Book Bling-Elizabeth Alsobrooks

Weekend Writing Warriors! #8Sunday

7/26/2015

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their WIPs on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link below to see the full list.

Sometimes I have to write a scene that takes me back decades, and I have to remember how it felt to be a young adult, how much I cared, however foolishly, about peer pressure. As if that weren't difficult enough, I have to make sure today's young adult readers can relate to the scene too. Here's a scene that I came up with while attempting to do just that:

From My WIP, DAUGHTER OF ANCIENTS

I tried to ignore the mass intake of breath behind me.

Focus.

The class held their collective breath.

Focus.

They waited for Mr. Wither’s response. As did I.

I had to focus.

Middle-aged and arrogant, the man’s stern gaze wavered. I saw the second he realized that he was about to lose the upper hand. Ha! The worst possible fear for a control freak like Wiltin. His eyes widened in alarm. He panicked. My sense of injustice and indignation helped me bore deeper into his brain. Mentally I pushed one final time. Lately I had little problem using whatever this mind control power was.

The apology sputtered between his reluctant lips. In truth the nasty bastard should be apologizing to the entire class for his vile tirades and abuse of power. For now an apology for embarrassing my shy friend, Abasi, would do.

19 Comments

Nancy Gideon link

7/25/2015 10:09:46 pm

SO glad you're getting back to this great story!!

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 09:21:46 am

Thanks. I think I still have your shoe print on my behind!

Christina Ochs link

7/26/2015 12:27:29 am

Ah yes, those feelings- outrage at injustice and the desire to have it made right. Right now! Great snippet.

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 09:22:31 am

Thanks Christina!

Veronica Scott link

7/26/2015 01:59:00 am

Enjoyed the excerpt and very much liked the style and 'voice' of the character.

But, putting my Moderator hat on, I count 19 sentences and the limit is ten for this weekly hop. We do that to be respectful of the time of everyone who visits the various blogs, so readers can get to as many as they wish and read a tasty tease, if you will, at each stop. Thanks!

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 09:26:28 am

Sorry. It won't happen again. It was 10 lines, less sentences, until I broke it up into separate paragraphs to increase the pace and impact. Next time I will stop after the first 8, no matter what. I get what you mean. I try to comment on at least half.

Amy Braun link

7/26/2015 02:32:53 am

Great snippet! Sounds like an interesting power. Also, the name Mr. Wither? I cringe just thinking about it! :S

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 09:28:10 am

Thanks, Amy. I like to try to fit names to characters.

Shan Jeniah Burton link

7/26/2015 08:33:13 am

This reminds me of my school years, and makes me very happy that my children, 11 and almost 14, have, thus far, chosen to remain joyfully school-free (and, with a very eclectic group of friends, peer pressure is far less of a thing in either of their lives, I'm thrilled to say!).

Shame on this teacher. He wasn't given the job to abuse the power and authority that goes with it.

Hooray for your character for defending her friend. Adult bullies often act as though what they do is all right, BECAUSE they're adults, but kids learn this behavior, very often, from the adults in their own lives....

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 09:31:33 am

Thanks, Shan. I'm glad you got the impression I intended.

Alexis Duran link

7/26/2015 08:36:53 am

I think you've touched on every young (and slightly less young, as well) person's fantasy- conquering the bully while appearing heroic to peers. Nicely done!

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 09:35:24 am

Thanks, Alexis. I was very shy as a young child and had some pretty abusive teachers (metal ruler on hands for mistaken wrong-doing, bare hand smacks on legs while standing at teacher's desk for "help," and not being smart enough to "get it" first time). I was too scared to defend myself and back then parents tended to support teachers, especially in private schools.

Edward Hoornaert link

7/26/2015 11:01:07 am

A well-focussed snippet!

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 11:23:40 am

LOL! Thanks, Ed!

Karen Michelle Nutt link

7/26/2015 12:42:39 pm

I love the mind control ability and for a good cause.

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/26/2015 04:01:01 pm

Thanks, Karen. There are times when I would love to have that ability myself!

Chelle Cordero link

7/27/2015 04:01:17 pm

Wow, a lot of tension in these words and it comes through beautifully. Very well written. I'm curious just what the injustice was and how his apology will be received.

Elizabeth Alsobrooks

7/27/2015 04:21:19 pm

Thanks, Chelle! I appreciate the feedback. I'm glad you liked it.

Eden Mabee link

7/29/2015 10:37:12 am

Oh to have held such power in high school... or college. College especially. And yet... I wonder if our narrator has tried to look deeper and to see WHY the teacher was so unkind.